im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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