My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
