summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
