shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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