Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
