Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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