She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
