Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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