bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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