Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
