Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
