i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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