Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
