never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
