nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
