my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
