Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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