Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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