I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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