Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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