No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
