I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize