No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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