Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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