i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
