did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
