The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
