I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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