Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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