Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
