If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
