Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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