And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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