I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
