Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
