I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
as a side note pls kill me
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
