It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
