Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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