You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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