Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize