Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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