hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
