every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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