R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
