honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
