We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Your penis caused this!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
