I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
