I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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