I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
