You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
