does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
