if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize