Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
time to smoke my breakfast
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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