So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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