I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
