Swine flu. Run for my life!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
