I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
