I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
