I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
