WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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