she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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