Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
