Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
