took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
