You work out of a Hotel?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize