But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i love accidental penises.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
