i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
