You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
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